Kali Mama's Grace

Something's gotten hold of me and I realize I am dissolving into being consumed by her Grace. It is a very specific kind of Grace. She is the one who can digest all that is not wholly supportive to the emanation of my fabulousness. Isn't that a mouthful?
I don't mind feeling a bit weak at the moment. I want to be dissolved. And I feel this as the only way that I can be the vessel for change. I can only use my free will on the microcosm that is me within the macrocosm of life. And that is saying a lot! I realize I may be speaking gibberish to anyone who might desire for whatever reason, to be reading this post. I guess this is yoga/shadow work 101. On Tuesday as I was in parigasana (gate pose) holding the portal open to her (the illuminating darkness who can consume and digest even the most vile of dangers) I was envisioning my hailing her into the out there, but I guess I knew I was a little off in my perspective.
So, here I am this morning just dissolving and welcoming her into the places that scream for isolation. You know the spots? The ones that just don't want to engage or let go or feel just about anything at all. Well, maybe you are lucky enough not to have any corners in your being like that, but I think this work is bigger than just us. At least I like to think it is like the story I heard of the Buddha getting to the gates to heaven and saying "no, sorry I am not coming in until everyone else can too." Well, I am really not a Buddhist, but I like this image and I think there is a way in which we are all in this together, willingly or not.
So, I think if I let her clear and penetrate the darkest corners of my being that is actually doing a lot for the change I would like to see in the world. I hear my teacher's words: "You are sufficient unto your own joy. There is nothing which you are lacking and nothing you need to purge." And so I contemplate what it means to have a space inside cleared of stagnation. Well, I guess that is the point right there. It is about bringing back into the flow of Grace whatever has been resisting and dealing with the fear that made some part of me cling to the rocks (or whatever metaphor works for you).
In case you were wondering, this feels a little bit like being sick, but I think it is mostly an alignment issue. I wanted to offer myself into the service of what I can heal in the world, having been presented with a harsh look at some of the worst, the gruesome (murder and vicious cruelty in what are usually pockets of safety) and the loathsome greedy selfishness (Michael Moore's latest movie : Democracy Now).
And then I learned that one of my dear friends is recovering from a stroke. I just saw her in class on Saturday! I can't imagine her not coming back with insight, humor and tremendous courage. However, this sort of thing can really shake a person up or transform their lives forever! I don't know how to be of any direct help to these situations. So, I hope the work I am doing bears fruit in the world out there.
I myself am standing, sitting and lying in the best sort of Grace as I contemplate some of the hardest things about life. I can't speak for anyone else, but this is what I live for. Don't get me wrong I love the joyful moments too, but I love to watch the overcast sky turn to colors and hues of variant depths and shadings. I love texture and the amazing ability of life to evolve into something completely new and different and really, think about it! How does it do that over and over again exponentially?